You may have heard the phrase “It takes a village,” regarding raising children, and while that is true, you may be left wondering Where is my village? There could be many reasons that you don’t have a village supporting you- you may not have family close by, your friends may be busy with work, or you may have a difficult time trusting people with your children. Sometimes we have to create our own village if one is not provided for us. Let's talk about what you can do to create your village. 

Self-Care

If you're struggling with feeling overwhelmed and stressed, you may need to begin creating your village by showing up for yourself first. After all, you cannot pour from an empty cup. Ask yourself, “What brings me comfort? What makes me feel joy?” Write a list then set your sights on accomplishing those things. So often we put our needs and wants on the back burner because we feel that we aren’t deserving of comfort and joy, even though it isn’t true. You deserve happiness too.  

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Here are some examples of self-care-

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• Going out for some fun- you don’t have to save all the fun just for the kids, you can take yourself to the movies or out to mini golf to experience some fun for yourself.
• Get out in nature- You can bring your kids along to join you if you want, but you may find it more peaceful if you’re able to go alone. Go for a nature stroll, or plan out your garden for springtime. 
• Have a spa day- take the time to get pampered and let go of any tension you are holding on to. 

Think About Who is in Your Corner

You may have people who are in your corner and willing to help you out and not even realize it. We’ve all probably done the thing where someone says “Hey, would you like me to take the kids to the park?” or “Let me know if you need anything,” and we say “Thank you, but it’s okay,” without realizing that they truly want to help us. We sometimes think that they are saying that just to be kind and we don’t take them up on the offer, but they do want us to take them up on it. It is their gift to you and we shouldn’t refuse gifts. 

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Who has been there for you and your children in the past? Who has offered to give you a break? Get in touch with them and ask if their offer is still on the table and accept their help. Oftentimes, people might not even know that you are struggling if you don’t express the need for help, so make sure to reach out for help when you need it. 

Meet Other Families

At your local park or library, try to meet other families with children who are close to your children's age and have similar interests. If your children play well together, ask if you can meet up again or set up a play date. 

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Your growing friendships will become increasingly valuable as the initial stages of friendship will begin by getting to know each other with the added bonus of getting a break from your kids as they play together. Then as you get closer and more comfortable with each other, you can vent your frustrations and celebrate your wins. With more comfortability and trust within the friendship, you can begin offering to help as well as asking for help when you need it. 

Get to Know Your Neighbors

You don't have to go door-to-door getting to know your neighbors, though you can if you want, but if you're out and about in your neighborhood and you see a neighbor that you haven't met yet, take the time to chat with them and introduce your family. Being neighborly will have its benefits. Your neighbors will be more likely to help keep an eye on your children as they play in your yard or the neighborhood and this can provide an added layer of security. They may also be more likely to bring you meals when you are sick or babysit your children when you need it. 

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To avoid introducing your family to potential predators, visit this website, enter your address and you can see registered sex offenders that may live near you. Teach your children to avoid these houses and not to speak with the people there. If you have an uneasy feeling about someone, don’t engage with them and just move on. 

Offer to Help Others

If you want to have a community supporting you, you have to be an active part of the community and offer help when and where you can. You may feel like you are stretched thin already, but you may find that by helping others you are re-energized and maybe you won’t feel so guilty asking for help later on. If you’re taking your kids to the park, ask your friends or neighbors if you can take their kids to the park as well. Ask your friends if they need help setting up for their child’s birthday party or you could invite them over for dinner every now and then. The more you put into your community, the more you will get from it. 

For help getting started and finding the right people, ask our midwives for recommendations today.